Butterflies
by Saudastic
Summary: Jackson didn't realize just how much he missed her until he saw that bright flash of orange escape right before him. Oneshot, based on the scenes from the show. Japril


All he could think of was the butterflies. He remembered it well. _ They had been crippled by fear at the thought of being forever connected to each other through a child. A child meant commitment. The thought of such permanence had terrified both of them, April especially._

_ And then it hit him. Just what is so terrifying about it?_

_ He and April work. They are both surgeons, so it's not like they'd had problems with money. Jackson's mother loves April…probably. And they love each other. They might be afraid to say it, as if it would scare off the other. But they both knew it, each time they snuck off to the on-call room, each time the empathy they shared led them to knowing how the other thought and felt…they knew. And if they felt so good together, how could it be wrong?_

_ "I'm in. All the way." Jackson said, the next time he saw April. Seeing the look of confusion on her face, he pulled her into an on-call room. "I know it might not be what you planned, or how you planned it," he began, "but we can do this. We'll get married, have an awesome kid, be amazing parents….I'm in." He had spoken with the utmost sincerity, meaning every word that he said._

_ And yet, April was still skeptical. "Don't say that if you don't mean it." She said warily._

_ "I mean it." Jackson insisted. "We can do this."_

_ "You really think tha-"_

_ "You said it yourself. Something that feels this good cannot be bad."_

_ "So you- you really want this?" April said, still in disbelief._

_ "I want this." Jackson insisted once again, stepping towards her. He and April were close enough to embrace as he continued, caught up in the joy of his fantasy. "We get married, have a house, we get a big yard-"_

_ "And we have a wedding-" April continued, joining in his glee._

_ "And we have a huge freaking wedding!"_

_ "In a field with butterflies!"_

It was the butterflies that got him. As he warily approached the table of small boxes, with Stephanie's arm in his, he hadn't expected the contents to hit him so hard. As he curiously opened the box and watched in surprise as a bright orange butterfly slipped out, the reminder hit him like a ton of bricks. '_So she really got the dream wedding she'd wanted all along…' _He thought bitterly to himself.

"Nice," Stephanie commented as the butterfly flew away. "You just ruined Kepner's wedding," she teased as she grabbed his hand and pulled him into the chapel. She led him to his seat, as he was lost in thought over the small reminder of his past with April. Sure, he missed her…but he had Stephanie, right?

As more and more wedding guests arrived, he began to think more and more about Sloan, and the most considerable piece of advice he'd given him.

_ "If you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing….even if you're scared that it will cause problems…even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud, and then you go from there."_

Jackson remembered the tragedy that befell Sloan and Lexie, as both refused to confess until Lexie was on the brink of death. Sloan died soon after….They had waited until catastrophe to tell each other…and now Jackson was waiting until April's wedding day. He always was bad with procrastinating.

So, as he saw April in her wedding dress, he strengthened his resolve.

"April and Matthew's closest friends and family are here to bear witness to this union. Will you promise to love and support their marriage, in all the days to come? If so, please respond with "We will."

"We will," rang throughout the chapel, as everyone recited the words. Everyone except for Jackson, who remained quiet and brooding, his eyes focused on April. Stephanie said, "we will" with a happy chime and turned to Jackson, only to see his lips unmoved and his eyes vacant.

He turned to her and whispered, "I, uh,"

"What?" she asked.

"I'm sorry." He stood up and straightened his jacket, his eyes dead-set on April. The priest stopped what he was saying, and everyone turned to look at Jackson for a moment. And his resolve buckled, as did his knees, as he sat back down. 'No…I have to tell her…'

He remembered the butterflies as he stood up the second time. He remembered the joy as they embrace, excitedly chattering about their wedding. He wanted to fight for the chance to have those butterflies at his wedding with April. He wanted her back.

"I love you, April." He declared as he stood up once more. "I always have. I love everything about you. Even the things I don't like, I love." His voice rang as earnestly as it had when he planned that wedding with her, so long ago. "And I want you with me," he continued. "I love you, and I think you love me too."

His eyes widened, and his heart pounded against his chest as he stood there, frozen until April finally would reply.


End file.
